Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
