She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
