Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My penis needs a shock collar
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I touched a dick in church today
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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