I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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