Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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