if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
