Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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