Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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