: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
