Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
