see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
