That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
