Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
