If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
