Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
