i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
