Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
