Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
