he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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