I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
