I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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