I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
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