Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
