i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
