we have officially lost it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
