I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
