your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
