Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
