Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
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I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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