I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
