sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I forget how to act sober
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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