butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
