i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
