Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
