I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
