You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
