I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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