I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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