from now on my penis is your penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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