I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
