WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
