So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
