And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
