really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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