Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
