You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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