We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
