My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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