i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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