I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
