hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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