She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
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All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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