I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
