It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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