i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
