yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
