he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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