He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
