Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
