Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
