Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
