I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
