on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
