you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
