So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
